Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Ladies and gentlemen... We got him. After 9 and a half years, countless lives destroyed, we finally got him. This is a very surreal feeling, no one seen this coming. The atmosphere around the country, no around the world is mystifying. There's a barrage of emotions ranging from hope to fear, relief to anxiety, naturalism and patriotism to anti-patriotism and raging against the "machine".  Only took 10 seconds for the conspiracy theorists to come out of the wood work, yes I'm talking to you Alex Jones. This astonished me while I was reading it. Apparently Osama Bin Ladin died in 2001 and they put him in some super secret government morgue where he was flash frozen....WHY!? What would be the purpose? Why would they do that? What would be the point? Oh it's part of the plan to take more freedoms away! NEW WORLD ORDER! ILLUMINATI! Uhhh- I'm going to be leaving that alone. But here's some fun facts: Hitler's death was also announced on May 1st, and the illuminati were said to have been formed may 1st 1776. Oh my god it's all starting to add up, Pope John Paul II became one step closer to becoming a saint, Canada had a major election, William and Kate went on their honeymoon and it's The Rock's birthday. Holy shit, it all makes sense now. What? You can't see it?! Oh it's because you're brainwashed by the media. All of these random events are clearly tied together. I'll leave you alone to think of that. With all seriousness, all I can say to those people who think this is some kind of huge conspiracy to keep a Kenyan Socialist Muslim in office for some odd reason- lex parsimoninae man, lex parsimoniae. Don't you love Latin? I'll get more into that in my upcoming post. Make sure your aluminum foil hats are on tight, because they're about to get blown away.