- Education required in a Republican's America: 2 year BA in Household cleanliness from Kaplan University. Costing an upwards of $52,000 over the 2 year period.
- Average Salary: $9,000 a year plus no benefits.
Another position expected to have a huge demand in the Republican vision of America. Not only will the wealthy need a team of personal assistants to wash their clothes, and keep their appointments, they will also need you to be a backup maid, nanny, or Mandarin to English translator for their numerous Chinese contacts.
- Education required in a Republican's America: Masters in communications from ITT Tech, Kaplan, or Devry. Costing as upwards of $190,000 over the course of 6 years.
- Average Salary: $11,000 a year plus the benefit of working in close proximity to our nation's elite!
|Law Enforcement Officer|
Are you looking for an exciting job? Do you enjoy using an outrageous amount of force to win an argument? Would you like to quell the riots that continuously seem to break out among the lower caste? Then this job is perfect for you! The poor and disenfranchised will always target our nation building top earners so they'll need your help protecting their interests.
- Education required in a Republican's America: 3 month private law enforcement training course.
- Average Salary: $8,000 a year plus the benefit of knowing you're protecting our wealthy overlords.
- Education required in a Republican's America: 4 year flight certification from any for profit college. Costing an average of $60,000
- Compensation varies by flights. Around $1 for every 100 miles.
- Education required in a Republican's America: None.
- Average Salary: $45- $50,000 a bout depending on the venue and level of competition. This may seem like a great opportunity but keep in mind- if you lose you die.
- Education Required in a Republican's America: Ability to read a map.
- Average Salary: $4,000 a year with the benefit of driving about the elite.
|Hooker/Prostitute/Lady of the Night|
- Education required in a Republican's America.: At least a High School Diploma so the elite can say you're only an intern.
- Average Salary: Varies from client to client.
- Education required in a Republican's America: Waste Manage Diploma from Trump University.
- Average Salary: $6,000 a year.
|Mercenary-I mean, "Private military and security contractor"|
- Education required in a Republican's America: Job training is offered at one of the many Xe (formerly known as BlackWater) training sites.
- Average Salary: $145,000 a year + Health and Life insurance. That number is to entice more people to enroll, so what are you waiting for, join today!
Not to be confused with the personal assistant, the Professional Lackey's only job is to boost the ego of the world's most powerful. As a Lackey you can expect to receive no credit when you've contributed to the growth of the company, and all the blame when your employer is entirely wrong. Note: This position could also get land you a lengthy prison sentence. But while you rot in your cell you can have the pleasure of knowing your boss is doing just great.
- Education required in a Republican's America: B.A in Kissasstology from the University of Phoenix.
- Average Salary: Depends on your employer, could range from his or her table straps to millions of laundered dollars. If you have no spine, moral complacency, or honor- this might be the job for you.